It’s Been A Whole Year

From ellanpaige to meet the wicks-3.png

This isn’t going to be a very long post, and I’ve spent the last few days putting off writing it but I know it needed to be acknowledged… Friday 1st December 2017 was officially a whole year since we started trying for a baby.

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… And Now PCOS Is Taking My Hair

From ellanpaige to meet the wicks-2

This is honestly a post I never thought I would have to write, and if I’m honest I’ve kind of put off  acknowledging it for a while. You see I’ve always had very thick healthy hair, so thick that my hairdresser would constantly tell me that I have the thickest hair she’s ever seen. Hair appointments would always take a minimum of three hours, and the idea of washing and drying my hair would fill me with a sense of dread that would leave me questioning whether it was actually worth it. Now here I am, sat staring at my hairbrush and wondering how on earth I’ve put this off for this long… I’m losing my hair. I’m losing my hair. I AM LOSING MY HAIR!!!!

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Deciding To Write To Our Local Care Commissioning Group

Deciding To Write to our local ccg

For those of you who don’t know a Care Commissioning Group (CCG) are the people in charge of deciding what funding, rules, and processes are put in place for the NHS groups (doctors, hospitals, clinics, dentists) They receive their guidelines from The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) and then the CCG board sit and decide which guidelines will be put in place and with which criteria.

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“You’re Just Too Ashamed To Admit You Don’t Want Kids”

We start our fertility clinic appointments in one week..

Now that I’m back in the swing of things I think it’s time to continue with my “Things Not To Say” Series, and where better to pick up from than the one sentence that makes me want to scream until there’s no air left in my lungs. “You’re Just Too Ashamed To Admit You Don’t Want Kids” Continue reading ““You’re Just Too Ashamed To Admit You Don’t Want Kids””

infertility, PCOS

Infertility and My Mental Health

Infertility and my mental health

It’s no secret that I’ve battled with depression and anxiety since the age of about 13 years old. The depression would come and go whenever it saw fit and eventually left me alone in 2015. My anxiety however has remained a constant for the last ten years. Most days are pretty manageable but others are crippling where even getting out the door becomes the hardest thing in the world. I can’t go to new places alone, I’m yet to join everyone from work on a night out, and I would rather the ground opened up and swallowed me instead of having to meet someone new but that’s just who I am now.  Recently though the depression has made it’s way back in, but this time things are different and I know exactly what’s caused it… our good ‘friend’ infertility.

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fertility, infertility, PCOS

Listen Up!

National infertility awareness week

This week (23rd – 29th April) is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) in the US which was founded by Resolve. Although I live in the UK it is clearly something I am passionate about so I’m taking part too! Their theme this year is “Listen Up!” encouraging people to listen up and take notice of the issues surrounding infertility and family building. As someone who has been very vocal about their infertility struggles it makes sense for me to join in and talk about the importance of speaking up and how we need to be heard.

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“I Know How It Feels, It Took Us Six Months To Conceive”

I know how it feels it took us six months to conceive

Please don’t get me wrong, I know that the following sentence is meant with all the love, goodwill, and sympathy in the world, and I know that people are just trying to relate and help you feel less alone. However, “I know how it feels, it took us *insert months here* to conceive” is one of those sentences that makes me want to get up and scream “IT’S NOT THE SAME” very loudly in your face. I know you’re just trying to relate to what’s going on in my life, and I know it’s because you haven’t been through it that you’re desperately searching for the right words to say, but just please don’t say anything.

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How Infertility Effects My Relationships

how infertility affects my relationships

I think it goes without saying that having fertility issues will inevitably have an effect on your relationships with people. However it’s not always negative, some relationships are stronger, some have dwindled out, and new ones have developed. I can’t change it and I wouldn’t change it, the ride’s already started and I can’t get off, so I may as well try and enjoy the ride!

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“You never know…”

you never know

Having received an amazing response from my “Why Don’t You Just Adopt?” post, I’ve decided to write in more detail about the things listed in my “What Not To Say To A Woman Suffering With Infertility” post. Initially I only skimmed over them briefly and somewhat sarcastically, mostly because I think some of them were still raw and painful. I’ve since realised though that they all need proper acknowledgement. While these may be the first sentences that come to peoples minds as a way of support, the reality is that they hurt and they aren’t okay to say. My aim here is to educate people who have never experienced infertility and help them understand what is and isn’t okay to say, but I also want those struggling with infertility to feel less alone. I want them to be able to read this and see that there are people out there who are told the same things they are, and that they aren’t overreacting when they get upset over something that’s been said.

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Some Days Are Tough And That’s Alright

some days are tough and thats alright

It goes without saying that some days are tough, while others are blissfully easy. This same logic applies with living with infertility, I’ve found that the majority of the time you can be completely fine and get on with life like everyone else around you. Yet there are some days that are so painful that it’s hard to breathe, let alone function. Sometimes things or events can set these moods off , but for me it’s more that I’ve woken up that day and my brain has gone “Haha nope not working today!” even though I know I have to carry on as normal. Now I’m incredibly lucky that this doesn’t happen often for me, sure I’ll have moments some days that will trigger a tearful moment but after a good cry I’m usually okay and can continue as normal.

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