A Chemical Pregnancy

A Chemical Pregnancy

I told myself last night that I wouldn’t write this post, yet here I am. I’ve realised as the day has gone on that I need to write this, not only for me but because when I started this blog I promised I’d be honest about documenting my journey and if I don’t write it then I’m not being completely honest with anyone.

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infertility, PCOS

Infertility and My Mental Health

Infertility and my mental health

It’s no secret that I’ve battled with depression and anxiety since the age of about 13 years old. The depression would come and go whenever it saw fit and eventually left me alone in 2015. My anxiety however has remained a constant for the last ten years. Most days are pretty manageable but others are crippling where even getting out the door becomes the hardest thing in the world. I can’t go to new places alone, I’m yet to join everyone from work on a night out, and I would rather the ground opened up and swallowed me instead of having to meet someone new but that’s just who I am now.  Recently though the depression has made it’s way back in, but this time things are different and I know exactly what’s caused it… our good ‘friend’ infertility.

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fertility, infertility, PCOS

Listen Up!

National infertility awareness week

This week (23rd – 29th April) is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) in the US which was founded by Resolve. Although I live in the UK it is clearly something I am passionate about so I’m taking part too! Their theme this year is “Listen Up!” encouraging people to listen up and take notice of the issues surrounding infertility and family building. As someone who has been very vocal about their infertility struggles it makes sense for me to join in and talk about the importance of speaking up and how we need to be heard.

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“I Know How It Feels, It Took Us Six Months To Conceive”

I know how it feels it took us six months to conceive

Please don’t get me wrong, I know that the following sentence is meant with all the love, goodwill, and sympathy in the world, and I know that people are just trying to relate and help you feel less alone. However, “I know how it feels, it took us *insert months here* to conceive” is one of those sentences that makes me want to get up and scream “IT’S NOT THE SAME” very loudly in your face. I know you’re just trying to relate to what’s going on in my life, and I know it’s because you haven’t been through it that you’re desperately searching for the right words to say, but just please don’t say anything.

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How Infertility Effects My Relationships

how infertility affects my relationships

I think it goes without saying that having fertility issues will inevitably have an effect on your relationships with people. However it’s not always negative, some relationships are stronger, some have dwindled out, and new ones have developed. I can’t change it and I wouldn’t change it, the ride’s already started and I can’t get off, so I may as well try and enjoy the ride!

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“You never know…”

you never know

Having received an amazing response from my “Why Don’t You Just Adopt?” post, I’ve decided to write in more detail about the things listed in my “What Not To Say To A Woman Suffering With Infertility” post. Initially I only skimmed over them briefly and somewhat sarcastically, mostly because I think some of them were still raw and painful. I’ve since realised though that they all need proper acknowledgement. While these may be the first sentences that come to peoples minds as a way of support, the reality is that they hurt and they aren’t okay to say. My aim here is to educate people who have never experienced infertility and help them understand what is and isn’t okay to say, but I also want those struggling with infertility to feel less alone. I want them to be able to read this and see that there are people out there who are told the same things they are, and that they aren’t overreacting when they get upset over something that’s been said.

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fertility, infertility, PCOS

Preparing Your Heart For Something That Never Comes

preparing your heart for something that never comes

Infertility is tough, but what can make it even harder is holding  onto that small shred of hope. The hope that maybe the countless doctors are wrong. The hope that maybe just maybe you could be part of the small percentage of people who prove everyone wrong. The hope that one day you’ll get to hold your own baby in your arms. Sadly though I’m beginning to think that holding on to that hope is pointless.

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Some Days Are Tough And That’s Alright

some days are tough and thats alright

It goes without saying that some days are tough, while others are blissfully easy. This same logic applies with living with infertility, I’ve found that the majority of the time you can be completely fine and get on with life like everyone else around you. Yet there are some days that are so painful that it’s hard to breathe, let alone function. Sometimes things or events can set these moods off , but for me it’s more that I’ve woken up that day and my brain has gone “Haha nope not working today!” even though I know I have to carry on as normal. Now I’m incredibly lucky that this doesn’t happen often for me, sure I’ll have moments some days that will trigger a tearful moment but after a good cry I’m usually okay and can continue as normal.

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Why Don’t You Just Adopt?

why dont you just adopt

If there’s one thing I’ve heard endlessly over the last few years it’s “It’s no big deal you can’t have a child of your own, why don’t you just adopt?” I usually smile politely and reply with “yeah, maybe” and change the subject. Recently though, when someone said this to me I found myself filled with a new found confidence, and although I had tears in my eyes I found myself saying “well you have your own children, why didn’t you adopt?!”  Honestly nothing and I mean nothing could’ve prepared me for her response. “Well I can have children, you can’t” needless to say I followed this with a hearty “fuck you” and walked away.

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