This is honestly a post I never thought I would have to write, and if I’m honest I’ve kind of put off acknowledging it for a while. You see I’ve always had very thick healthy hair, so thick that my hairdresser would constantly tell me that I have the thickest hair she’s ever seen. Hair appointments would always take a minimum of three hours, and the idea of washing and drying my hair would fill me with a sense of dread that would leave me questioning whether it was actually worth it. Now here I am, sat staring at my hairbrush and wondering how on earth I’ve put this off for this long… I’m losing my hair. I’m losing my hair. I AM LOSING MY HAIR!!!!
When I was first diagnosed with PCOS I knew that hair loss could be a symptom but I’d foolishly thought it would never happen to me because my hair was so thick and full, oh how wrong I was. I’ve only really acknowledged it this week but realistically I think I’ve known for a while that something was up. Where my hair was so thick I’ve always shed more hair than the average person, but when we were in Florida I remember running my hands through my hair and was astounded by how much hair was in my hands. I remember looking at Mitch and commenting that that couldn’t be a good thing, but he reassured me that it was probably fine and was probably more due to the heat and humidity than anything so I pushed it to the back of my mind for the rest of the holiday. There were then a few occasions when we got back where again I was a little concerned by how much hair I was holding in my hands, I didn’t want there to be something else ‘wrong’ with me so regrettably I pushed it to the back of my mind again.
On Wednesday I was finally forced to admit the thing that I knew deep down and was too scared to admit… my hair is falling out. The thing that forced me into acknowledging it was that on the way to work on Wednesday Mitch had taken a photo of me as we were walking through the park by work, and when I saw it I was horrified. My scalp that used to be hidden by my beautifully thick hair was suddenly visible, more so than it has ever been before. I tried to reason with myself by saying that it must’ve been my roots growing through as I haven’t died my hair since June, or that it was the way my hair had parted in the window. With every excuse I gave myself the more I knew I had to face the truth, so I stood there after work in front of the bathroom mirror and parted my hair over both shoulders like I usually would, and for the first time in a long time I actually looked at my hair. Six months ago I would never have been able to hold my hair in a ponytail with one hand, I simply had too much hair. Now it easily fits in one hand no problem. Looking at my hair in the mirror I could see that all of my hair is probably now the same thickness as one side of my parting used to be and honestly I just wanted to cry every time I lifted a section of hair to see where it was now visibly thinning.
I tried to make a doctors appointment today to discuss options with them as I know Metformin can help with hair loss (among all my other PCOS symptoms) once I manage to make an appointment I know that getting them to listen to me will be a battle of its own as I’ve already been refused Metformin before. This time I’ll be pushing for a response because my hair has always been the one thing that I have consistently loved about myself and now I’m losing that too. Tonight all I’ve been thinking is PCOS has already taken so much from me – my figure, my periods, my fertility. Does it really have to take my hair too?!
If anyone has any advice I will gladly take it because I’m at a loss. I even looked at buying some wigs but at £100+ that’s not really a financially viable option at this point.