If you read the title and are a little shocked trust me you aren't the only one. When we went to the doctors for a referral at the end of May and had all our tests done, we were told that there was a four month wait for an appointment with our local fertility clinic. I said this was completely fine as we had the wedding, the move, and our honeymoon coming up so maybe it'd be nice to do those things without adding the stress and worry of fertility appointments too.
So imagine my surprise when I come home from work at the beginning of July and find a letter from the fertility clinic sitting on my doormat that said our first appointment would be 22nd August at 8.15. There I'd been saying to myself that there'd be no point even worrying about it because we wouldn't have an appointment until October at the earliest, yet in reality our first appointment was four weeks away.
Despite having a letter in my hands that stated that exactly when our appointment was happening, none of it real. If I'm being completely honest, as soon as I filled in the form that came with the letter I just put it on the shelf in the kitchen and tried to put it to the back of my mind… then last Wednesday happened.
There I was sitting at my desk at work when my mobile rang. Now usually I'm not one to take personal calls while at work but when I see an unknown number flash up on the screen I always think the worst and immediately assume that someone I love is in the hospital (trust me I know how stupid that is!) Given my weird irrational fear you can only imagine the panic that ran through me when the woman on the other end of the phone went "Hello is that Mrs Wicks? I'm calling from hospital." Before I could panic too much she very quickly explained that she was calling from the fertility clinic and that there had been some cancellations if I wanted an earlier appointment. I didn't even have the time to process what she'd said before she spoke again "I have 9.30 on the 7th August if that's any good for you?" I was in that much shock that all I managed to get out of my mouth was "…uh-huh" – Nice one Ellan, not like this was an important decision or anything! The receptionist finished the call by telling me she'd send me another confirmation letter and that they looked forward to seeing me on the 7th. I just sat there open mouthed for a while and text Mitch letting him know our appointment had moved and whether he'd be able to get the time out of work, I hadn't even considered this when I agreed to the appointment change.
It's now been five days since our appointment was moved, and with each day it suddenly hits me what's happening. Before I'd had another four weeks to prepare myself for our appointment and what may happen, but now I only have a week. Please don't get me wrong I am so SO happy that things are moving in the right direction finally but I'm also someone who likes to plan and be prepared for every eventuality, and right now I feel a little out of my depth. I think the scariest thing is that the one thing I've always wanted may now potentially happen. I know that we could still have an incredibly long journey ahead of us and that this may not work for us, but if it does we could have everything we've ever wanted.
I think it goes without saying but I'll be updating you all with every appointment and what the plan is for us, but right now I have no clue what to even expect from our first appointment and honestly… I'm a little scared.