“You’re Just Too Ashamed To Admit You Don’t Want Kids”

We start our fertility clinic appointments in one week..

Now that I’m back in the swing of things I think it’s time to continue with my “Things Not To Say” Series, and where better to pick up from than the one sentence that makes me want to scream until there’s no air left in my lungs. “You’re Just Too Ashamed To Admit You Don’t Want Kids”This is always one that genuinely leaves me a little taken aback, how anyone could think that someone would lie about having fertility issues because they don’t want to admit that they don’t want to have children is disgusting. Not wanting to have children and not being able to have children are two very very very different things and people shouldn’t assume that you’re saying that just because you don’t want to have children. In fact there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to have children. I actually know plenty of women who have no desire to have children whatsoever and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. So why do some people assume that “I can’t have children” really means “I don’t want to have children”? especially when I’ve been very vocal about my fertility issues and my want need for a child, so when someone says something that like that to me I am genuinely shocked and taken aback.


Infertility is nothing for me to be ashamed of and it’s taken me an awfully long time to realise that, but honestly it’s so hard not feel ashamed especially when people say things to me like “oh you’re just saying that because you don’t want children”. It’s like people believe that not wanting children is worse than not being able to have them, which is an absolutely ridiculous way of thinking.

Since I was diagnosed I’ve tried my hardest to not get angry about it, I don’t see the point as it doesn’t solve anything and ultimately only ends up making me feel worse. Yet times like this is makes it near on impossible for me not to feel angry. I’ve heard so many insensitive comments from family members, friends, and colleagues, but this is one that makes me genuinely angry.

I don’t say I can’t have children because it seems like a fun thing to say, or because I’m “too ashamed to admit I don’t want them”. I say it because it’s true, no matter how much I want a baby, or hope and pray, I cannot have one… not without help anyway.



4 thoughts on ““You’re Just Too Ashamed To Admit You Don’t Want Kids””

  1. I must admit, I don’t recall ever being told I “was too ashamed,” I was told I “was too selfish” to give up my lifestyle for children. I found (after years of anger/embarrassment and yes, shame for my infertility) that if I told those “nosy” people that we “hadn’t been blessed yet” that people, for whatever reason, were less likely to be rude/insensitive.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow! I guess no matter the situation people are always going to stick their noses in. Can’t have kids – that’s wrong. Don’t want kids – that’s also wrong. Things would be better if people just kept their noses out of it really


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