It’s Not A Competition

It's Not A Competition

It's Not A Competition

If there’s one thing in life I’ve never understood it’s people going out of their way to try and top something you’ve done in the hope that they’ll be bigger and better than you are. Sometimes even going as far to take your ideas and palm them off as their own to see if they’ll gain more recognition for it than you did. I will never ever know why people can’t just let you have your moment and be happy for you, I suppose it’s quite sad really but it’s also rude and quite upsetting.  Unfortunately though these people don’t seem to understand the effects of what they’re doing especially when it comes to taking something you’ve put so much time and effort in to.

Throughout my life I have encountered countless people who are exactly like this, and each one is always slightly more infuriating than the last. You’re never allowed to enjoy your moment because they always have to do one better, and more often than not they leave you wishing that you’d never even opened your mouth in the first place. The one place I never expected to experience that though was the infertility community, I guess I was mistaken when I thought everyone would be understanding and kind because we’re all in the same boat.

Please don’t get me wrong, 90% of the community have been and continue to be amazing. As always though there are a select few who aren’t and everything has to be about them and how what they’ve been through is worse. When I posted in an infertility group on Facebook about my chemical pregnancy looking for support, I was horrified at some of the responses I did get. I was already in pain both physically and mentally, all I wanted was some reassurance that I wasn’t alone and some advice from people who had been through it too. While the majority of people were incredibly helpful and loving, I was met with many nasty comments from women saying things like “oh it was probably just a false positive get over it”, “you only have PCOS it could be far worse”, and “think how I feel I’ve been through four” and my favourite one “at least you had a positive on a test! I’ve been trying for years and never had one, you should consider yourself lucky” All of these statements completely contradicted everything my doctor had said to me, he’d assured me that a positive is indeed a positive regardless of how faint and that honestly just because I’d managed to ovulate and conceive once didn’t mean that I would be able to do it again, but I was so horrified by how those women had responded that I actually ended up removing my post from the group.

It’s not just the infertility community that leaves me feeling deflated and like we have to compete instead of being supportive. Since starting my blog I have very often felt that some people treat having a blog as a competitive sport and they have to be bigger and better than someone else, and I actually find that pretty sad. I’ve seen bitchy comments left on other people’s blog posts in an attempt to bring them down and I’ve seen bigger blogs trying to tear down smaller blogs. The most disheartening one is that I’ve seen another blog take my posts, change small details to fit their story, and upload them as their own and that’s the one that bothers me the most. To take someone else’s hard work and dedication and claim it as your own absolutely disgusts me, I spend hours and days on my posts because I want them to be perfect, not for someone to just swoop along and claim them for their own. I’ve not been posting as much during all of this because I’ve been unsure how to proceed from here, do I continue knowing that my hard work will be taken? Or do I stop doing something I love and that has made me feel so much better?

Simple really… I carry on. I refuse to let people make me feel like I should be competing in life, so I’m fighting back! I will continue to share my story louder and prouder than before, and I will refuse to be made to feel like my journey is any less than anyone else’s. We may all have different experiences but ultimately we’re all in the same boat. There is also now a copyright disclaimer on my blog and if I find anyone has taken my words, phrasing, or whole post without crediting me then I will be taking further action.

Life is NOT a competition and I really wish people would stop acting like it is!

 

P.S I have a couple of blog ideas so hopefully things should be back to normal soon, I’ve just been taking some time to process this and the chemical pregnancy but I promise I’ll be back! xxx

 

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20 thoughts on “It’s Not A Competition

  1. It is horrible that some people try to tear you down when you are already at a low point. I am so sorry, people can be horrible sometimes. When I have had similar things happen, I try to just tell myself that that person is so unhappy with their own situation that they are trying to make themselves feel better by making me feel or look bad…it doesn’t always work though. Praying for you and sending warm thoughts your way.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you I really needed that, and honestly you’re completely right they probably are just trying to make themselves feel better by putting me down. It doesn’t need to be like that though and I think that’s what makes me feel sad. Never mind onwards and upwards! I hope you’re doing okay x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s horrible that another blog is copying things from you and trying to make it their own! I’m on a lot of infertility facebook groups and some of the threads started to really annoy me. There’s always someone for instance who comes along posting a baby pic with a long description of how many IUIs/IVFs etc they did and then writes something like “never give up!” at the end. It’s like some of the women there don’t realise that it won’t happen for everyone. I’ve seen lots of people say they just wish they would get a positive pregnancy test too. But having had a chemical like yourself, there was nothing nice about the experience 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There a two blogs – one is someone I actually know and they take my words and make it about their life not Infertility is that makes sense? But loads of people have sent it to me saying that its my words and how I speak. The other one I have no idea who it is and they’re adapting my Infertility story to fit theirs and then uploading the same posts a few days later. I’m in a few infertility groups but for now I’ve ignored them all, I can’t bare to go back after how I was treated. I’m sorry to hear about your chemical. How did you get through it?

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  3. I think I know exactly what group you are talking about though I did not see your post. I have thought about leaving that group before. There are so many great people there, and I’ve learned so much and I really like reading other peoples’ experiences, so I stay. But I’ve seen some serious craziness, too. I think that group in particular can be problematic because it’s so huge there is just more of everything and too much to moderate. I hate the comments “at least you got a positive” well I’ve gotten 4 positives and all were losses, some traumatic and devastating, so not really sure how it’s better. I even had someone rage-block me when I tried to present scientific studies on something. It’s really hard to find support in the infertility community. I am in a lot of groups and I find it’s good for education, connecting, learning about others’ experiences but actual support? Not so much for me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think we probably are on about the same group unfortunately. I had a woman block me when I told her that my doctor had told me that false positives are NOT a thing even on blue dyes and gave her the proof he’d given me and she blocked me haha. I’ve thought about leaving it too but like you said there are some really wonderful people there but you’re right there are SO many that it’s difficult to moderate. You’re completely right the group is good to educate and share stories but there is absolutely no support at all in these so called “support” groups

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This post is so real and so raw. Infertility is not a joke and definitely not a competition. I want to apologise on behalf of those that made you feel so horrible. I know you know, but there are so many nice, supportive and thoughtful people out there that will always sympathise with you.

    Keep writing, especially if it’s your outlet! People that copy original content and pass it off as their own will have karma to face at some point. I can’t believe that someone would do that.

    I hope you are in a much better place now?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, I’m in a much better place now and I feel more motivated towards my blog again so I’m glad about that. Please don’t apologise for the others, it’s not your fault and you shouldn’t have to apologise. There are plenty of wonderful and supportive people out there and I would much rather surround myself with people like that 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Yikes, how horrible.
    Some people seem to just want to bring others down, having experienced similar myself, it seems like some people want to knock you down just to make themselves feel better. It’s a sad sad thing in life that not all people are of a supportive nature.
    *Sending support and good wishes your way*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry that you’ve experienced similar behaviour from people. I hate that even when we’re all going through the same heartache that there are still people who think their struggle is “worse”. We should support each other, not tear each other down xx

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you it’s okay though. If anything I’ve learnt that not everyone thinks and feels the same way as I do and that I need to surround myself with people like me and push away the negative ones x

      Liked by 1 person

  6. It really upset me to read you were treated like that… in a SUPPORT group of all places. You are absolutely right though, we are all in this together… it’s not a competition! Blogging, life situations, or otherwise.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was horrified but if I’m honest it says more about them than it does about me. From now on I’ll be sticking to the love and the support of the people in the blogging community rather than the support groups x

      Liked by 1 person

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